I believe that most people have a secret garden, that place that they keep locked up so that nobody else can get in.
The items in your garden are what has made you who you are today. There are things of the past that are no longer living, weeds that need to be pulled, new growth starting to sprout, and maybe a safe area that you can hang out and just be.
I come out of my garden to spend time with people, to walk their journey with them. I listen to their joys, struggles, and their hurts. Sometimes even to the point that my heart feels the warmth of joy their or aches with their pain because it is an area I can relate to. It is something from my garden, but I remain outside of the garden, I can not and will not let them in.
Why?
First, because I don’t want to be judged and I know that it is human nature is to do so and second because over the years every time I have let somebody in I end up getting hurt! I am so tired of being hurt and not being able to trust.
This can be a lonely place to be! On the outside, I look one way, very active in ministry and blessed by many people in my life, but on the inside, my garden is locked up tight. I will crack the gate and share “little” bits of what’s inside, but I will not let them in.
The BIG reality check, this pertains to pretty much everybody in my life, my friends, my family, and I am realizing, I think right now on my walk with the Lord it pertains to Him too. I pray, participate in the sacraments, talk to Him, listen to Him, but all on the outside of the garden wall.
I have always had some trust issues that go back to my childhood, but there was a point that my gate was wide open and I spent many years in my garden with God and others I trusted. Then it happened, I was hurt once again, so I pushed everybody out of my garden and locked it up tight. Through a lot of prayers, I have realized this, and there is a longing to allow Him and others back in, but I have not opened it in so long that I can’t seem to find the gate, it is buried so deep by the overgrowth of life.
I know if I want to be truly alive in His joy, I must cut away what is blocking the door and tend to my garden.
This will allow Him and others back into the garden of my heart. If I am to fully be a gift of self to others this is something I must do. It doesn’t mean I have to share everything that is in my garden, but I can at least start by letting people in.
Lord, help me to open the door to my heart so that You may tend to my hurts, disappointments, fears, and all else that is keeping me from experiencing the incredible joy You offer. Help me to let people in, put people in my life that are real and that I can be real with. Lord, thank you for not leaving even when I pushed You out of the garden!
Thank you for always maintaining that place in the garden that we could always meet even though I have failed to invite you!
Lord, today You’re invited, but I need help getting the gate open!
Help me to be a total gift of self!
A Gift of Self 